This week was less than productive for me. I ended last week with 72-hour migraine, and this week I have been fighting a miserable head cold. That being said, I haven’t crossed as many items off my to-do list as I had hoped. But I have been thinking a lot about perspective, specifically my perspective as a parent.
I wrote that meme because it was a something that happened to me a few weeks ago (and has probably happened to a few of you as well). I think we can all agree that perspective means a lot.
I have been feeling run down lately, and a few days ago as I was lying in bed waiting for my headache medicine to kick in, I thought about something my mom told me earlier. I was worrying and complaining to her that I wasn’t being an awesome mom, that I was falling short and letting my family down. She told me when she was a young mother with young boisterous children that she hated Mother’s Day.
What?
I grew up in a pious Mormon family, and on every Mother’s Day the church would have a lovely Mother’s Day program with touching stories and children singing, complete with flowers for each woman in the congregation. When she told me she hated it, I couldn’t fathom how she would hate such a lovely day.
She relayed to me the exact thoughts I was having about myself. That she wasn’t as good as the mothers spoken about in the church meeting, that she wasn’t going to leave the impressions on us that these special and extraordinary mothers had left on their children. It was a reminder that she wasn’t doing as well as everyone else.
As weird as it sounds, this conversation gave me extreme comfort. My mom IS extraordinary and special. My mom IS someone who is a perfect example of motherhood awesomeness. I could stand and lecture the world on how amazing MY mom is.
So if she felt the exact same way as I do, than maybe there is hope for me.
“You are doing better than you think you are.” – Jeffery R. Holland
I think sometimes we feel internal (or external) pressure to fit into a box. Or we compare our journey to someone else’s. There is room for everyone to be awesome. There is room for everyone to make a difference, and be amazing to the people closest to them.
All mothers are awesome in their own way.
All mothers nurture in their own way.
Remember you are doing awesome.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Awesome post! Thanks so much for sharing it with us and I wanted to say how much I LOVE all of your crochet patterns. Each and every one is so unique and special and that is so hard to do. Bravo on all of them. I haven’t tried the plaid or puppy love themed items yet but they are my favorite so far and I will eventually build up enough confidence in myself to try them :) Thank you!!!!
Thank you so much Tracy! Your kind words are very much appreciated :)
Thank you for this :’-}
:) You’re welcome :)
Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you for articulating the exact feeling I was having yesterday. I actually had a much crummier day than I would have had it not been Mother’s Day and I think it’s because of the same thing you’re talking about. And seeing all the people gush on social media about how they were made to be mothers made me think, “Huh. I am a decent mom, but I must struggle a lot more than these super heroes do.”
Anyhow, thanks for the insight and I hope you’re feeling better!!
Oh no! I am sorry your day wasn’t spectacular. You are superhero to your little ones, though :) They will be gushing about you in a few years!
Bethany, I got so carried away with my pity party that I forgot to ask how I could get your pattern for the baby flip flops with pair of lavender and grey with the wide band. I looked through your patterns and don’t see that specific pair. Thanks so much!
Haha! I don’t have a pair that is lavender, but here is my pattern if it is the one you are talking about:
http://www.whistleandivy.com/2014/06/crochet-baby-flip-flop-sandals.html
How can I leave a picture of the front page of the pattern? It has Whistle and Ivy and also your watermark.
Which pattern?
Oh! I am sorry, I read fast and didn’t see this was a reply to a previous message. Do you use Facebook or Instagram?
Hi Bethany,
Was hunting for your baby flip flop pattern and saw your write up about Mother’s Day. I have three children and they all decided to come celebrate Mother’s Day next Sunday (youngest’s girlfriend hasn’t met all the family and couldn’t come with son on Mother’s Day so he asked if it would be okay to celebrate the following Sunday). I begrudgingly said sure, but as the days passed I became increasingly angry. The oldest son’s girlfriend said they were just gonna stay around home because he was fighting off a cold (later found out they went fishing), the daughter ( 1.5 hrs away) and her family were just gonna stick around the pool because their oldest daughter was coming to spend the day with her (that morning she called and said she had to work —I doubt that was true). When my daughter called it was still plenty of time to come. They all texted me early that morning with HMD wishes. I have never let them know how disappointed they have made me in the past, but this time I ignored their messages. They called later that day but I kept my phone off. Calls to the house my husband received and told them I was outside. Today I am still seething. This is so unlike me. I always try to make them feel better, but I just can’t pull it off this time. I told my husband (their father) that when Saturday comes next weekend we are going off (which we had planned to do) and spend the night. I don’t want to put them out and make them come. i guess I haven’t been such a good mother after all. Oh well, glad you had your mother to make you feel better. Mine would but she has been gone 30 years. I think my missing her and her love and wisdom was lot of the problem.
Oh no Pam! I am terribly sorry for how your day went. It’s completely okay to have hurt feeling, even if you are the mom. As moms we try to be strong for our children, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t be deeply hurt by them. Please don’t think it’s because you haven’t been a good mother. It’s not a reflection on you. I hope they realize what they have done and try to make it up to you.
I have definitely felt that way on Mother’s Day before. Like I’m not enough or not deserving of all the praise and singing and chocolate or whatever. This year I have been thinking of Mother’s Day as more of a celebration of all the people who help to raise us and comfort us and “mother” us. I am blessed to have many such people around me. I hope you had a nice day with your family today. Love you, friend! Sorry the past couple of weeks have been rough.
Right! I love your perspective! It takes a village, and I am so happy for all the people in my village that helped me :) You are wonderful! I hope your day was awesome :) And thanks, I am doing much better now, thankfully!
Dear Bethany
Thank you for all your lovely patterns. I too create in fact I once had my own store. It was wonderful, unfortunately the economy wasn’t so great & I finally had to close. You mentioned you have migraines. I used to get them as well. It sounds like you are on medicine for them. But 72 hours is not healthy. I carry around a Vicks inhaler, so when someone’s perfume is too strong or exhaust from a car, or I smell cigarette smoke…it immediately gives me a migraine. If I can use the inhaler fast enough I can control my headaches. If they continue I use Vicks vapor rub under my nose & over my forehead & a washrag that has been wet with very hot water & breath that in til the cloth becomes cold & I repeat this step. Perhaps this will help you as well. Have a Happy Mother’s Day…remember all mothers are great especially when they share all their love with their children, when they read, tell stories,sing, play, alots of hugs & kisses..I.’d give anything to have had that from my mother but she was mentally ill. I thank God everyday that I have been a great mother to all my kids. Now I’m seeing that they are great parents too.
Always Debbie
Thank you for the tip, Debbie! I think it was a combination of a few factors, I rarely have them for that long or very frequent. I will DEFINITELY give your tip a try, I am willing to try anything that may help, especially before they turn terrible. I have the same problem with perfume and smoke. It was 10 times worse when I was pregnant! Thanks for sharing that with me, I will see if I can’t find some stuff today, so I will be ready when the next one hits! Happy Mother’s Day to you too! Being a mom is so hard, but so incredibly worth all of it <3
I am right there with you sister! Thank you for putting your feelings out there. I am sure many more moms can relate.
Thank you! And thanks for the solidarity <3 <3
Thank you if sharing. I needed that!
‘for’, not ‘if’…sry!
So glad it resonated with you! Mother’s are so wonderful.
Wonderful post. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you!
Thanks Bethany, what an inspirational and uplifting story. Thanks so much for sharing. My Mother passed away several years ago. She too could make me feel better with just a few words.
I am terribly sorry you have lost your mom. Our mothers are such a huge part of us! It’s amazing all that they have done for us. Thank you for your kind comment, and I hope you have a blessed week. <3
Thanks for sharing this story! I hope the coming days are better for you, and Happy early Mother’s Day to you.
Thank you very much Marie! <3
Thank you so much for these encouraging words! – Some days ago I also had similar thoughts about being a mom and talked about it with my eldest son (nearly 17 years old). And we came to the same “results”…
How you see yourself as mom seems to be much more negative than your children see and love you.
So: a Happy Mother’s Day to you, too! :-)
With greetings from Germany,
Edeltraud
Thank you for your kind reply! It’s so hard to look at ourselves positively for some reason. Sounds like you raised him right :) Happy Mother’s Day!